Koopa's Story
by steam66
Summary: Jake Koopa is sick and tired of living as a Koopa Troopa, abused by privileged *expunged* who don't know what they're doing. This is his story... Rated T for some language. Credit to Stuffwell359 for the idea.
1. Chapter 1

**Koopa's Story: Chapter I**

**All Mario characters belong to Nintendo; Jake Koopa and other fan characters are mine.**

**TROOPA START!**

Ah, Bowser's Castle. Situated in the vast, lava-filled Bowser Valley of the Koopa Kingdom, it's truly a hard nut to crack.

Which also makes it absolute hell living there.

"Living there?" you say? Yup. My name is Jake M. Koopa, also known as Troopa no. WMC-1701. It stands for Wendy O. Koopa Corps, and Wendy is an absolute bastard. She's King Bowser's only daughter, and a spoiled brat too. I don't get why King Bowser lets his teenage children be military commanders. Sure, Roy Koopa is okay in those terms, but Wendy knows more about how to make Goombas fly than command troops. The higher ranking soldiers like Hammer Bros. get to choose which Koopaling to serve under, but rank-and file soldiers like me are assigned to whoever needs the most soldiers. Which leads back to Wendy's incompetence. She honestly doesn't care about us Troopas, which means that we're losing soldiers in her corps at an alarming pace. So King Bowser sends her some MORE, instead of maybe telling her to stop painting her nails and start directing her troops better.

But that's enough ranting, I have to be at a meeting by 8:30 and I just got out of bed. I get to stare at my face in the mirror as I put on my green-colored shell. I'm somewhat short, but that's expected of a Koopa. Same yellow skin and pale green eyes as always. I notice my eyelids are slightly drooping. We never get enough sleep anyway, but I have to get to that meeting. As I walk through the stone-brick halls of Bowser's Castle, I see yet another of those "motivational posters" that basically say "Obey or Mario will murder you!" Mario? You think he's a hero in our circles? Not exactly, being that he finds it okay to burn and stomp Troopas and Goombas to death like we're expendable. Okay, I take that back, we ARE expendable, just not THAT much. I reach the meeting center and see that accursed pink bow and gaudy rings. Wendy holding another meeting, this isn't gonna be very good.

"Okay soldiers, Daddy says we gotta go to this stupid ice place and NOW! Go and take that stupid airship over there and do it NOW!" she screams, pointing towards a random airship docked at a mooring mast. I walk up the spiral stairs with my comrades, and board the airship. It's a pretty small one, not big enough to hold the 50-some Troopas and Goombas King Bowser's given her on this mission. I end up sitting on the railing, one foot secure on the deck. It's fairly cold at the altitude we're flying at, but it's bearable because I'm sitting next to the steam engine's exhaust funnel. Not so for the Goombas up front. Looks like Wendy just couldn't spare any time to let us get some warm clothes. Cheap bastard. Again, Roy is so much better at military ops. Even LARRY, who's only 10 years old, is better than that. Eventually, we reach Ice Land, shivering and cold. Minus Wendy, who has stacks of warm clothes on and an IShroom 5 she's talking on. Almost none of us got to eat since we woke up, so we're hungry too- except for Wendy again, who predictably got a full breakfast of snacks. She's looking a bit fat these days, actually. Now that we've landed, Wendy's screaming orders again, basically telling us to spread around and patrol for enemies around the small fortress we've landed at. There are a few Shy Guys stationed at the fortress with parkas who are getting screamed at too. Poor guys.

I'm patrolling with Lieutenant Waters, a Hammer Bro. and some Goomba that just got picked to go with us. Waters is an asshole, and quickly he's shouting at me. "SOLDIER! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, JERKBAG?! MARCH, NOT WALK!" Slowly, he's making me want to wring his neck. The Goomba's laughing and snorting. He thinks that it's the funniest thing in the world. You know what would be funny? Sticking Wendy up Waters' throat. THAT would be funny, but I'm getting carried away. Anyways, the patrol is uneventful. Nothing like marching for 2 hours while some proud asshat screams at you constantly. By the end, his throat's sore from screaming so much.

The Goomba stopped laughing and started trying to cover it's nonexistent ears an hour ago. How do they hear without visible ears anyway? There must be some stupid explanation or another. Wendy's been sitting at the fort for the whole time talking on her IShroom. The Shy Guys are hiding in the fortress crying. God knows what Wendy did to them. We board the airship once more, this time with me up in front amongst frostbit Goombas. I end up half hiding in my shell for part of the trip. Chances are Wendy would kick me off the side if I hid in my shell. At least we got to return to our somewhat greasy and hot bunks when we returned. Wendy got back to her bedroom and started bitching about the new IShroom 5Shy and how she wanted one. What a pig. Thus ends another routine mission in my shitty life at Bowser's Castle.

**END OF CHAPTER I**


	2. The Nightmare Begins

**Koopa's Story: Chapter 2**

**All Mario characters belong to Nintendo; Jake Koopa and other fan characters are mine.**

**TROOPA START!**

*crackle*

"_ATTENTION ALL SOLDIERS, GET YOUR FAT ASSES OUT HERE!_" It's Bowser on the intercom, and he's remarkably pissed. Somehow, I'm feeling more angry than scared, despite the many stories of what Bowser does when he's pissed- that are all too true. Maybe it's because we only got 5 hours of sleep in hot, greasy bunks that are too small for a freaking GOOMBA to be comfortable in. I take a look in the cracked mirror at myself, noting the dark circles around my pale green eyes. Again, we never get enough sleep here. Everyone around me is just getting up as well. I take the moment to put on my shell and shoes and get out the door. It's a struggle just to stay awake, not to mention performing military tasks. Coffee is a godsend, but because it's in such high demand during wartime, the supplies are near-empty. Once again, no coffee for anybody- EXCEPT the Koopalings.

I join the mass of Koopas, Goombas, and Hammer Bros. standing in the Main Hall. Bowser's on his throne, staring down at us.

"_OKAY, YOU EXPENDABLE WASTES, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW?!" _he roars, staring down at us with murderous eyes. "_MARIO AND HIS FATASS BROTHER ARE COMING FOR US! YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP HIM FROM BREACHING OCEAN LAND!?"_ he rages, small puffs of flame escaping his mouth. "_EVERY KOOPA IN THE RIGHTHAND CORNER, YOU'RE GOING WITH LEMMY TO GRASS LAND. YOU __BETTER_ _NOT FUCK UP.. OR __ELSE._" THAT's enough to jostle me awake. Oh, and JOY. I'm apparently going to Grass Land with Lemmy. He at least understands the importance of soldiers, but he's too fucking psycho most of the time. Even BOWSER's concerned about it. Me and about 50 other Goombas, Koopas, and assorted minions follow Lemmy out the castle gates, to board- GUESS WHAT- a SMALLER airship than before. This time, a Goomba falls out of the airship during takeoff. He vanishes into the clouds. Shortly after, we hear the characteristic "whoop-up" of a Goomba flattening. Nobody takes notice. Okay, WHY did I sign up fo- oh wait, I didn't sign up, I was impressed into the army.

Anyways, Lemmy's laughing like a psycho again in the command seat of the airship. We arrive at Grass Land after 3 agonizing hours of cold flight. Not moments after we disembark, a Hammer Bro. squeals as his head is crushed by a stomp. "Yeah! Itsa Luigi time!" My blood runs cold when I hear the Italian. He charges at the main group, stomping and crushing. The bounce from a stomped Goomba is enough to hop to the next Koopa, and so on.. Luigi grabs a Koopa shell and tosses it among the group, smashing Koopas into bits as the spinning shell makes it's deadly journey. I take a brief look at Lemmy. There's a rumor that if Lemmy's terrified enough, his lazy eye straightens up. Well, I can confirm firsthand that it's true. Lemmy calls for a retreat. The remaining 10 of us make a mad dash for the Airship as it takes off. Luigi- that bastard- grabs onto the anchor and climbs aboard. The Bullet Bill defenses aim and fire for him, but the green-wearing Italian hops over them and pops into the control cabin. Painful screaming- from Lemmy. Luigi pops out of the Warp Pipe with Lemmy's magic scepter in hand, before he backflips off the Airship. I've seen them do it; he'll land perfectly. It looks like Grass Land, already a losing battle for us, is for the Toads.

I won't go into detail on what Bowser did, except that 7 of my comrades are now dead, flame-broiled. I take off my shell and dive into my bunk, shoes on. After the horrible events of the day, I'm glad to fall into unconsciousness.

END OF CHAPTER 2.


	3. Stale Toast and Pipes

**Koopa's Story: Chapter 3**

**All Mario characters belong to Nintendo; Jake Koopa and other fan characters are mine.**

**TROOPA START!**

*boop*

*Boop*

*BOOO-*

My hand smashes down on the alarm clock, silencing the annoying device. I squint through the darkness at the wall clock to discover it's 5:30 in the morning. JOY. I get out of bed and strap my shoes and shell on, fighting to stay awake. It doesn't help that the barracks aren't lit, creating the perfect enviroment for running into walls and other Koopa Troopas getting out of bed. If you can even call it a bed, though. It's really just a board with a cloth on it. Me and several other Troopas shuffle out of the building, making our way towards the main castle. A Goomba trips and falls off the bridge we were crossing, flattening at the bottom of the lava ravine. We try not to take notice as we arrive into the castle halls, making our way to the mess hall. Guess what the food is today? Stale toast! MY FAVORITE, HURR DURR!

I try not to think how many insect eggs are in that bit of toast as I chew it, sitting on a rusted chair next to a rotted wooden table. I've seen the mess hall for the Koopalings, and it's serving gourmet food on golden plates on a polished table and chairs. Not that Lemmy would be eating today. Luigi, that fat Italian bastard, beat the poor kid until he couldn't move his limbs. Why? BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL BROKEN. And yet they still call the Mario Bros. heroes. After breakfast, (also known as the only meal until dinner, which is MORE STALE TOAST, YUMMY.) we file into assorted castle areas, patrolling the outsides and generally trying not to keel over from exhaustation. I spend it ducked behind a corner, leaning against a wall to keep from simply falling over. At 5:00 in the afternoon, Bowser calls us to the atrium. Another mission. JOY. This time, we go to Pipe Land on a regular patrol. The airship this time is reasonably big, but that's because Ludwig is riding it. Ludwig is kinda important, mostly because he's the one who designed every single one of Bowser's vehicles. A random Goomba calls out after a few hours of patrol. He found something in a pipe. It turns out that it's a package of weed. What else would you expect to find in a pipe? We return by 12:00, and eat Stale Toast Dinner. Yummy. I throw off my shell and shoes and fall into my bunk, fully intent on getting all the sleep I can get on our horrendous schedule.

END OF CHAPTER


	4. Assault on Bowser Castle

**Koopa's Story: Chapter 4**

**All Mario characters belong to Nintendo; Jake Koopa and other fan characters are mine.**

**TROOPA START!**

_Koopa dreams are kind of weird. They're not the whole "sheep, clouds, drug addiction withdrawal" assorted stuff humans and Toads have. They're constantly filled with death and destruction. Well, at least for me. Maybe because I've been around killing my whole life, maybe it's genetic. I don't really care anyway. My dreams always play out the same way- wakened by a sudde-_

I'm awakened by a hissing sound. As I lift my body out of bed to investigate, the hissing becomes music notes- of the kind emanating from a whistle. "Must be some asshole nomad." I say to myself, falling back into bed. The notes abruptly stop, and the sound of a heavy object hitting the ground becomes apparent. "_Lets'a go!" _Oh. Shit. Almighty. It's Mario, and he's planning on murdering us all, probably. I make a dash for the exit, intent on warning the guards. I hear a fuse lighting behind me, evidently a Bob-Omb Mario brought along. The explosion sends me crashing to the floor, amongst screaming Koopa Troopas, skin lit ablaze by the inferno consuming the barracks. I pull myself up and rush out of the collapsing exit, in time to avoid the firestorm now approaching the main castle. Suddenly, I'm struck by a realization. I was impressed into this army, and my life has been hell. Why should I return to the castle when I could escape now? Sure, if I get caught I'll be executed, but my life as a Troopa wasn't any better. The thought of my comrades, burned to death by Bowser's flames, seals my decision. I turn my back to the castle and run.

Bowser's Castle is not the easiest place to escape from. Considering it's in the Valley of Bowser, surrounded by a lava lake, there's not many options from escape. Escape by airship is impossible- it's on the castle top floor, and no matter the situation, there's a guard. Not to mention, that's where the evacuation would take place. The only way to get through the lava lake is to steal one of Bowser's lava warships. Fortunately, there's a small interceptor boat unguarded- evidently, the guards went to assist the forces at the castle. I hop into the interceptor and power up the engine. Before anyone can see me leave, I'm off.

After roughly 15 minutes of sailing, the interceptor grounds out on the shore. Unlike the barren Bowser Island the castle is located on, the rest of the Valley of Bowser is fairly regular in appearance- trees, grass, whatever. Minus the deep forest penetrated by a road that's facing me. I know that this road is regularly patrolled by tanks, making it a deathtrap to walk down it. If they saw a lone Troopa running from the castle, they'd probably shoot him- A.K.A. me. I notice the tanks splitting up- they must be forming a search party for escapees. I walk through the forest, hiding in a tree or bush whenever a tank draws near. As I near the forest exit, I realize that I can't walk in the broad daylight that's approaching, for fear of patrols. I need to steal a tank. I wait for a lone tank to drive by, a small one. As it patrols through the woods, I climb the rear ladder and pop the hatch open, dropping down. I hear a _snap_ as I land, and discover I've crushed the head of the Hammer Bro. that was driving the tank. I sit down in the slightly bloodied seat, and start driving away from the rest of the convoy, making sure I don't get spotted by them.

During the day, I continue to drive. I've left Dark Land and the Valley of Bowser, passed through Big Island's bridge system and Ocean Side's beaches. By now, I'm in the midst of Koopahari Desert. I'm not sure where to go next- the Toads probably won't accept me, and going back to Bowser spells death in capital red letters. A sudden beeping distracts me from my musing. The tank is critically low on fuel- going through several kingdoms wasn't a short trip. With a jolt, the tank runs out of fuel, and slightly sinks it's treads into the sand. Damnit. I get out of the tank, dropping to the sands below. Thank god I took my shoes and shell. I begin walking in the direction I was driving, hoping to find civilization- anything, really.

After several hours of walking, I'm exhausted. The sun is so hot… it's almost angry. Actually, it IS angry- that's the expression on it's face. I fall to the ground, too weak to move. As my vision blacks out, I can vaguely see shapes moving around me. Someone starts to talk. "Escapee from Bowser? Meh, good enough for the Circuit." They bend down to pick me up, but I black out before it happens.

END OF CHAPTER 4


End file.
